sound of my voice

"Peter Aitkin likes math, reason, and himself. Things he can count on. When Peter was 12 his mother was diagnosed with cancer, a long time member of a new age cult she believed that modern medicine shouldn't intervene in her fate. She died on the eve of Peter's birthday while they were both asleep. Peter woke up 13, and motherless."

As an actress, Brit Marling is incredibly fascinating. I first saw her in Another Earth, and I am watching her now in Sound of My Voice, a twilight zone-esque glimpse at fate and faith and how you're supposed to believe what you believe when you can't know. The film is fascinating to me because it is so difficult to talk about faith without bringing religion into it. The movie addresses believing in the impossible only to discover that it's true and how to forget reason when reason is holding the truth back.

I related a lot to Peter in this film because he can't believe what he can't see or what he can't understand or rationalize, and for most of my life, I've been the same.

Brit Marling's character, Maggie, is from the future. As she puts it, she's dying because she traveled back in time to save the people she loves.

I'm watching the film, wondering, if in the end, Maggie is from the future. And if she is, I wonder if Peter will end up believing or simply writing her off until it's too late. But then I wonder, if I were in the same situation, would I even believe Maggie. Would I let her tell me that I was a chosen one, destined to save the future and the ones we will all come to love? Or would I run away and tell her I didn't know how to believe, or that I didn't want to believe.

The running theme throughout the X-Files is "I Want to Believe".

I've come to the understanding that I don't want to believe. Rather, I can't, and I'm not sure I want to know how.